So my friend is being courted by this super-sweet, super personable, friendly, thoughtful, good-looking guy who she isn’t interested in. What to do. She is more interested in her ex-boyfriend of 6 years who cheated on her and threw her down some stairs and was the inadvertent cause of her losing 20 pounds in a few months’ time due to the general anxiety asscoiated with being in such a sick person's life. She’s quite tiny now; this was apparently not the case before. Don’t get me wrong; been there, done that, was that for Halloween. But at least redistribute the nice guy so someone else can have him. So now she’s back with the ex, or flirting with that option, even though she is not yet conscious that they are really back together. That’s the word on the street. She tells me she wants to “take things slow” with the new guy; same line I got when the tables were gender-reversed, from my last “friend” in the same situation who was still waiting around for his undemonstrative, uncommunicative, unloving ex to turn around and run back into his arms, all the while keeping me on a string and alternatively playing love and total denial that we were in a relationship. And yes I did learn not to do that anymore.

But back to my current friend. I told her to send her reject to me, because I could do a lot with someone who makes an effort. He’s sweet, age-appropriate, remembers everyone’s name even after meeting us only once, and sees the very good in her. I get the sense that he’s smart too, though I don’t know for sure. And what the hell? He’s even super cute. Right f’ing on.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am going through noncommittal men like it’s going out of style and can’t find a single sweet guy who does the work involved to be in a relationship, or would even know what it looked like if it hit him in the 'nads. WTF. The last guy I told you about the other day disappeared because he was “feeling awkward with the way things were developing”. Which is to say, in no uncertain terms since he was doing 80% of the pursuing, that he was going to fall in love in another week and he couldn’t have dealt with that. They always fall in love or run screaming away in horror in three weeks with me. It's more predictable than gravity. I am exaggerating not at all here. It happens Every. Single. Time., and if you are starting to get the breadth of how many people I date, you can grasp the number of times this theory has been tested.

And now you know why I go through so many people.